So I woke up this morning...

She got crabs for Mother's Day!

So what did you get for Mother's Day? Or what did you get for your mother? My sweet husband bought me a massage from Rachel's. I *heart* that place! A friend of mine has a sister in law who was given a brand new Harley motorcycle for Mother's Day... pictures to prove this are on her myspace page. This was a totally unexpected gift! She has never even wanted a motorcycle... I don't think she even has a tatoo. Don't you need one to own a Harley? Anyhoo, today I discovered a secret!! A co-worker of mine got crabs from her husband! Can you believe that? *GROSS!!* Here is the email I sent to some other co-workers today to tell them the story:

Hey ladies,

Imagine this headline on The Onion:

“Dayton woman receives crabs from her husband for Mother’s Day”

It’s true!!! Anonymous (name has been removed from email) got 2 hermit crabs for Mother’s Day and she has them in a container on her desk!! I so bad want to take a picture of her holding them & blog about it with a picture. I love it! I went into the Colonels office and said, come see what Anonymous got for Mother’s Day, Then I said, she got crabs! He turned and looked at me like Whaaaaa…???

And here is the picture I took!

What's Making Me Laugh These Days

This gnome loves to laugh. I consider myself a serious laugh enthusiast, actually. I laugh in my sleep on a regular basis, folks. But, who doesn't enjoy laughing? Find that person and bring him/her to me. And I will punch them in the neck. Especially if they don't emit the slightest chuckle at the following:



Oh, Onion...you do it to me every time!

I'm Yelping

Just FYI, I added a link to the blogroll (on your right) called "My Yelp". I'd explain what it is, but once you clickity-clickity, you'll understand. Pretty rad, no?

Post-Flu Shopping Extravaganza

There is no better therapy for influenza-induced cabin fever than retail store shopping, I say! After having been relegated to my bed, couch, and recliner for five full days (!), I ventured out to my local mall and took advantage of some President's Day sales. Is there a better way to honor our founding fathers than by shopping? This gnomie thinks not!

Exhibit A:



Visualize with me: the sweaters I bought were black and a bright blue/purple. And they look a lot better than this one. (Condescending Murphy Brown-esque model sold separately.)Sorry, couldn't find the exact ones on the Macy's site (wtf?). But, I snagged each of them at $20, regularly $40. Woot!

Exhibit B:



A cute little number to wear under the cute little cardigan. I accessorized a long strand of black and white circles with interlocking silver hoops.

Exhibit C:



This picture does not accurately reflect the awesomeness of the pants. This gnomie has some junk in her trunk, you see, and it's definitely cause for celebration when a nice-fitting pair of pants comes along. With the wide waist band and back flap pockets, these pants pretty much rule. And they cost around $35.

Exhibit D:


Nevermind the brand shown...I couldn't find the actual shoe in question on any website. However, these are a close match. Square toe, black leather, and about a 3-inch heel. Except, the heel is a bit blockier with a dark red backing instead of cream. More awesome, I say. The best part...brace yourself...I paid $8 for mine. No joke.

There was much, so very much more to be had, but I don't have the time or resources to show you everything. I kind of went shit-crazy, to be honest, but it felt good. Retail therapy, if you will.

When In Rome...

do as the gnomies do. And one thing is for sure: no gnomies of mine would ever EVAR wear a balloon (or many, as it turns out) for clothing. Even if it were part of a New York Fashion Week show...which it isn't...but, even if it were, come on! Balloons?!? Next, you'll tell me that people use paint to cover their naughty parts and parade about at summer festivals and concerts! (Ugh! the nerve!) If it would please the court, I would like to submit the following exhibits:



Gnome 2: "Classy outfit the designer is wearing… looks like she has helium balloons in her bra and the pearl necklace is such a nice touch!!"





Gnome 2: "This looks like drunk ass Nick Nolte wearing a Spiderman T-shirt as he is in deep concentration!!"

Gnome 1: "It could be Gary Busey."



Gnome 1: Something tells me her gentleman friend is holding several safety pins behind his back. Oh, and cute shoes.




Gnome 1: "Nothing says 'Las Vegas circus wedding-cake-topper ice sculpture tuxedo' quite like this ensemble."



Gnome 1: "Burning Man or Bust".

New product to try out!!!

http://www.biolustreflorida.com/ordernow.html

Here is a hot new product I want to order & try!!

Gnome on Mars

Life on Mars? Maybe. Nothing would shock me, really. Except if the alleged "Man on Mars" looked exactly like another elusive folk hero...






Really?!?




Edit: I happen to think that this guy could k both of their a's:

Saga of the Techgnome--Part I

Once again, technology has reached out and slapped me across the face. Hard. I've had a long, torrid love affair with pdas and phones, you see. It began back in 2002...I'll never forget the day. I decided to go to Best Buy on my lunch break and purchase a palm pilot. I knew absolutely nothing about the things, other than how cute and stylish they were. Oh, and I was convinced that, upon purchase, I would instantly become more organized than ever before. I won't tell you how that last part turned out, but I will say that I was absolutely smitten with my new acquisition. I decided on the Sony Clie S360. It's 2002, remember, and I didn't even own a cell phone yet. Wouldn't you have been in love, too? Just look at how sleek and wonderful it was:

Soon, I was uploading third party applications and all sorts of games. But, I longed for color. I heard tell of the color Clie, but it was way out of my price range. Seriously, I think the going rate for the same model pda in color was around $350. I tried to distract myself from wanting to upgrade by buying even more accessories for my perfect little pda. If I recall correctly, I bought an audio adapter, two memory sticks, a foldaway keyboard, and a leather case. After about a year and a half, I somehow justified the decision to upgrade. This time, instead of getting another Palm Pilot, I decided to bite the bullet and buy a Pocket PC. I was hesitant, but had done my research and found a refurbished Toshiba E335 on eBay:

I remember the day I received it in the mail. It was so thin and shiny and the display so bright and colorful! I loved that it synced up with Outlook and that I could compose Word and Excel documents with it (I was in college at the time and often used it to take notes in class. Nerd!). Naturally, I began using it to play mp3s and games. It literally never left my side. I got married that year and my friend Joi jokingly (I think) asked if I was planning to take it with me as I walked down the isle. I laughed at this as I laid in bed the night before my wedding, playing solitaire...on my Pocket PC. As much as I loved my PPC, there was something magical about the Clie. The market was becoming flooded with pdas, so the prices were at an all time low. I decided to purchase a color Clie for my husband. After all, he could stand to be a little more organized, too! I found this one on eBay for about $170, I believe:

Predictably, my husband saw through my ruse and did not use the pda for anything other than playing games at night before bed. I, on the other hand, decided to begin using this one instead of my PPC. Big mistake. I liken this to switching from a PC to a Macintosh. Both have their merits, but you'll always end up missing the one you're most accustomed to. For me, that turned out to be the PPC. After a few months, I returned to using my PPC, until that fateful day in the parking lot outside of work. I dropped my PPC on the pavement while trying to talk on the phone and add an appointment to my calendar. Crunch. The screen shattered, rendering it useless. I think I almost cried. Within an hour, I ordered a new Pocket PC from Dell, as my then-employer offered a discount. I even paid $30 to have it shipped overnight. Behold:

I remember being a bit underwhelmed. The price was right, but the thing just didn't seem as bright and shiny as the pdas of yore. I used it and even marveled a bit at the WiFi capability, but was still not as captivated as I would have liked. Eventually, I stopped using it altogether. What was happening to me, I wondered? Had I become tired and bored with computers already? After only 3 years, I had gone through 4 pdas...was this it?

What a Gnome Wants

I often bookmark a few of my favorite things (please don't sing that) in hopes that I will one day become independently wealthy and buy whatever I fancy. Come to think of it, most of these purchases would not require wealth, but simply a reasonable explanation for their acquisition (read: I lovingly refer to my study as Fred Sanford's living room).




How hard would I have to try in order for my friends to "get" this? Would I, too, have to lie face-down on the floor every time I want to show off this pillow?




This probably confirms what you already knew/suspected about me.



I'd like to think that my kidneys pluck, but do they seriously have time for that?



I think the frames are fug, but I'd love to have the patterns. Where's the 1-up?

Thoughts on last night's Gossip Girl

Two out of three gnomes agree: Gossip Girl kinda rules. I do, however, take issue with a couple of the show's characters (sorry, Gnome 2, I'm not feeling Chuck's fashion sensibilities). And, I almost choked on my Orville Redenbocker's last night during Serena and Dan's emotional self-disclosure scene. Exhibit A:






And, let's face it: no episode of GG would be complete without Rufus doing or saying something retarded. Exhibit B:






All in all, though, it was as good of an episode as one can expect. I'm still not sure if B is actually knocked up...man, I sure hope so. She's such a bitch.

Score!

Hey ladies, good morning to ya. I got a steal online today. Remember when I first got my new home & found “the perfect shower curtain?” (not to be confused with the Spartans “perfect cheer”) Well it went on sale for half price so I bought it! Check out the link.

http://www.cb2.com/family.aspx?c=476&f=4110

Overload of Cute Overload

Okay, unless you've been living with the disgusting cave people from The Hills Have Eyes, you already know that Cute Overload is only, like, the best site EVAR! I have lots of favorites from that site and frequently email them to my other gnomies. But, the following post from 27 Dec takes the cake and the plate it was served upon:

Oh Little Town of BethlahaaaaAAAAGGGGHHH!

MARY! MARY! Are you all right!?!?!?

Oh, how I heart cats.

Welcome and all that crap

Ahh...the blog. We have finally done it! By we, I am referring to myself, Rebecca, and Karen: three hot, thirty-something ladies located in the Midwest. Don't let our unfortunate location deter you from reading our missives, though. I promise we'll be interesting! In fact, I'll go a step further: I guarantee our blog will be interesting, or your money back!