So I woke up this morning...

She got crabs for Mother's Day!

So what did you get for Mother's Day? Or what did you get for your mother? My sweet husband bought me a massage from Rachel's. I *heart* that place! A friend of mine has a sister in law who was given a brand new Harley motorcycle for Mother's Day... pictures to prove this are on her myspace page. This was a totally unexpected gift! She has never even wanted a motorcycle... I don't think she even has a tatoo. Don't you need one to own a Harley? Anyhoo, today I discovered a secret!! A co-worker of mine got crabs from her husband! Can you believe that? *GROSS!!* Here is the email I sent to some other co-workers today to tell them the story:

Hey ladies,

Imagine this headline on The Onion:

“Dayton woman receives crabs from her husband for Mother’s Day”

It’s true!!! Anonymous (name has been removed from email) got 2 hermit crabs for Mother’s Day and she has them in a container on her desk!! I so bad want to take a picture of her holding them & blog about it with a picture. I love it! I went into the Colonels office and said, come see what Anonymous got for Mother’s Day, Then I said, she got crabs! He turned and looked at me like Whaaaaa…???

And here is the picture I took!

What's Making Me Laugh These Days

This gnome loves to laugh. I consider myself a serious laugh enthusiast, actually. I laugh in my sleep on a regular basis, folks. But, who doesn't enjoy laughing? Find that person and bring him/her to me. And I will punch them in the neck. Especially if they don't emit the slightest chuckle at the following:



Oh, Onion...you do it to me every time!

I'm Yelping

Just FYI, I added a link to the blogroll (on your right) called "My Yelp". I'd explain what it is, but once you clickity-clickity, you'll understand. Pretty rad, no?

Post-Flu Shopping Extravaganza

There is no better therapy for influenza-induced cabin fever than retail store shopping, I say! After having been relegated to my bed, couch, and recliner for five full days (!), I ventured out to my local mall and took advantage of some President's Day sales. Is there a better way to honor our founding fathers than by shopping? This gnomie thinks not!

Exhibit A:



Visualize with me: the sweaters I bought were black and a bright blue/purple. And they look a lot better than this one. (Condescending Murphy Brown-esque model sold separately.)Sorry, couldn't find the exact ones on the Macy's site (wtf?). But, I snagged each of them at $20, regularly $40. Woot!

Exhibit B:



A cute little number to wear under the cute little cardigan. I accessorized a long strand of black and white circles with interlocking silver hoops.

Exhibit C:



This picture does not accurately reflect the awesomeness of the pants. This gnomie has some junk in her trunk, you see, and it's definitely cause for celebration when a nice-fitting pair of pants comes along. With the wide waist band and back flap pockets, these pants pretty much rule. And they cost around $35.

Exhibit D:


Nevermind the brand shown...I couldn't find the actual shoe in question on any website. However, these are a close match. Square toe, black leather, and about a 3-inch heel. Except, the heel is a bit blockier with a dark red backing instead of cream. More awesome, I say. The best part...brace yourself...I paid $8 for mine. No joke.

There was much, so very much more to be had, but I don't have the time or resources to show you everything. I kind of went shit-crazy, to be honest, but it felt good. Retail therapy, if you will.

When In Rome...

do as the gnomies do. And one thing is for sure: no gnomies of mine would ever EVAR wear a balloon (or many, as it turns out) for clothing. Even if it were part of a New York Fashion Week show...which it isn't...but, even if it were, come on! Balloons?!? Next, you'll tell me that people use paint to cover their naughty parts and parade about at summer festivals and concerts! (Ugh! the nerve!) If it would please the court, I would like to submit the following exhibits:



Gnome 2: "Classy outfit the designer is wearing… looks like she has helium balloons in her bra and the pearl necklace is such a nice touch!!"





Gnome 2: "This looks like drunk ass Nick Nolte wearing a Spiderman T-shirt as he is in deep concentration!!"

Gnome 1: "It could be Gary Busey."



Gnome 1: Something tells me her gentleman friend is holding several safety pins behind his back. Oh, and cute shoes.




Gnome 1: "Nothing says 'Las Vegas circus wedding-cake-topper ice sculpture tuxedo' quite like this ensemble."



Gnome 1: "Burning Man or Bust".

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